|Posted on May 12, 2010 at 3:07 PM|
One of the things I learned on my path of healing is that in many cases the child’s emotional development is arrested at the time of the abuse. Most of us do not develop emotionally past that age, which causes many issues for us as adults. I still find it very difficult sometimes to react appropriately to emotional situations, particularly involving sex and romantic love. I also struggle with having my own needs fulfilled. I was taught as a child that my needs didn’t matter, only the needs of my abuser. I was there for his pleasure and nothing else.
When it comes to emotional situations I need to examine it intellectually and put my emotions aside. Sometimes I need to discuss it with close friends to figure out if my emotional reaction is due to abuse, or due to the fact that I am being disrespected, treated unfairly, or abused further. It's a very touchy thing and there are times that I just react emotionally and my rage comes bubbling to the surface. At those times I have been mean to people that I care about and afterwards, when my emotions have calmed and I am able to think rationally. That used to bring on feelings of guilt, for having lost control of myself, but with time and practice I have been able to keep those feelings to a minimum. Through using my mental faculties, rather than emotions, I have also become better at asking for what I need and knowing what those needs are.
Three great books that helped me deal with these situations are
Gifts from Eykis: A Story of Self Discovery by Wayne Dyer
Emotional Alchemy: How the Mind Can Heal the Heart by Tara Bennett-Goleman
The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns